five suspects holding your book hostage.
Every manuscript is unique. They all have their own strengths and weaknesses; there is no cookie-cutter feedback that will apply seamlessly to all.
Having said that, there are universal issues that pop up in almost every manuscript that crosses my desk. These are the five most common pain points I see, and a brief rundown of the advice I give to remedy them.
If any of these are tricky for you, please take comfort in the fact they are also tricky for others! Remember, writing a book is a multi-layered process. Every book goes through stages of evolution and refinement. Writing is like chopping down a huge tree with a single axe. Editing is gathering your tools and whittling your log into a singular work of art.
point of view.
Point of view refers to the narrator of the story. Who is telling it, how are they telling it and what is their position in relation to it. Consistency is crucial to keep the reader engaged and clear on what is happening. Inconsistency can lead readers to distraction, confusion, and feeling like they have missed something.
POV is a pain point for many writers. Inconsistent POV shows up via head hopping (jumping from character to character), unrealistic thoughts, a character having knowledge they simply shouldn’t have. POV is one of the biggest things I focus on in manuscript assessments and structural edits, as it can make or break a story. It is hard, but it’s important to choose a lane and stick to it.
The biggest decision the writer will make when starting a story is: who is the best person to tell this story? Is it one person or several? Is it an independent narrator? Are they speaking in first (I), second (you) or third (he/she/they) person? Hand in hand with POV is tense: past or present.
(Keep an eye out for a more detailed blog post about choosing the best POV coming soon.)
As you revise, at the start of each scene, visualise who is telling the story. Then step into their shoes. How do they speak and think? Consider their personality and backstory, their motivations and goals within the narrative, and how this might influence their language and tone. What do they know and not know within the context of the story? This is particularly important to remember when you have several POV characters.
Tip: If you are struggling with getting the words out, or the story is feeling flat, try writing a scene from another POV and see if it makes a difference. You will know pretty quickly whether you have chosen the right POV or not.
passive voice.
The way a sentence is structured affects the reading experience. This is particularly true of active vs passive voice.
Passive voice slows down the narrative, is less authoritative, and can make a reader’s mind wander. Active voice is more direct, concise and impactful.
With active voice, a sentence is structured subject — verb — object. A person (subject) is doing an action (verb) to or with a thing (object). For example: Steve picked up the ball.
With passive voice, the subject and object are usually reversed, so that the object is having an action taken upon it by the subject. For example: The ball was picked up by Steve.
Of course, there are always scenarios in which passive voice is required (if it fits a certain character’s personality, for example), but more often than not, you will have a stronger story by using active voice.
show don’t tell.
It’s common for writers to tell a lot of the story in early drafts, as they are working the story out for themselves. But it’s important to rework those instances of telling into showing, to immerse the reader in the narrative.
Similar to active vs passive voice, showing vs telling affects how a reader experiences the story. Telling holds up a hand and keeps the reader at arm’s length. Showing grabs the reader’s hand and pulls them along for the ride.
For example, don’t tell me the car is old. Describe the peeling paintwork, cracked vinyl seats, rusted metal, hand-wound windows, analogue dials. Paint the picture and bring me into it.
filter words.
Filter words act like a screen door: they allow the reader to see the action but not to immerse in it. These are words like: he felt, he thought, she knew, they heard, she saw. In close POV, we have the advantage of being inside the mind of the character, so in most cases these words aren’t needed, they only serve to hold the reader at a distance from the character’s thoughts.
For example, here is a scene with filter words:
The day was clear and bright; she felt the sun warm her skin. In the distance, though, she saw storm clouds, angry and dark, slowly rolling towards them. Great, she thought. Just great.
Now, the same scene without filter words:
The day was clear and bright, the sun warm on her skin. In the distance, though, storm clouds, angry and dark, rolled slowly towards them. Great. Just great.
unnecessary detail.
You know those people whose anecdotes are particularly painful to listen to because they are buried within mountains of irrelevant details? (Think Uncle Colm from the Netflix show Derry Girls.) When this happens in a book, it is an instant turn-off for readers. Too much unnecessary detail slows the momentum and ‘buries the lede’, so to speak.
For example, if a scene takes place at the start of a work day, we don’t need to know what the main character had for breakfast, how long they brushed their teeth for, whether they had to brake for an oncoming cyclist while reversing out of the driveway — unless these details affect the story, of course. Starting and ending each scene as close to the action as possible will eliminate narrative sluggishness.
When revising, ask yourself: Does this detail add to the story or distract from it?
“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.”
When you know a story intimately, it can be hard to tell which details are needed and which aren’t. This is where beta readers, critique partners and editors come in. They have no attachment to your story and can advise which of your darlings might be better off dead. Brutal, yes, but also necessary.
